Everyone has a Mask

Everyone has a public Face. 

This is the Face that you put on when you go out in public, the one most people see.  The chick at the cash register, your hairdresser, your work mates, everyone sees this Face.  From this Face people see you as happy, outgoing, sad or dreamy - all sorts of things, but mainly what you want the world to see. 

Some people are the Face they show to the world.  Some people, like me, hide behind that Face and use it as a Mask.  What the outside world sees is nothing like what is going on behind my Mask.  People see my Face and think that I am a happy, organised, confident and calm mum, wife, teacher and friend. 

I look like I've got my shit together.

The Mask is my protection, I worry that if I took the Mask off, people wouldn't like what they see. 

They would see someone who has had a very hard life, is desperately sad and worried constantly that things will go wrong to the point of being unable to move.  I am so disorganised in my thoughts, actons and what is going on in my life that I over compensate with diaries and spread sheets.  My mask hides my non-existent self esteem and my daily struggle to get out of bed and face the world. 

I am a lot of effort. 

But my closests friends would say I am worth it.  (I hope!)  I am loyal, I will listen, I don't judge, I offer support unconditionally.  I will be there for my friends in any way I can and I will sacrifice everything to help when someone is in need. 

My Mask slips occasionally. 

As I meet new friends, and trust them, I start showing, revealing what is behind my Mask.  It hurts when people can't accept what I show them, when they turn away from me.  What hurts more is when a 'friend' uses that information against me. 

I hope one day I wont need my Mask, but at the moment I do.  Just understand I reveal what is behind my Mask when I feel safe. 

I think that holds true for most people.